The Sacred Circle

So as Jeff and I walked into birthing class last night, at 6:30, which was the time class starts, we were all alone, as usual, with the teacher. Why can't people be on time? It's so frustrating to me. Anyway, the class area was darkened, with lit candles, and this horrible caterwauling country music was playing as Karen said "I thought you guys might like to start off by dancing." Now, I love to dance with my husband, but the waiting area of the Northwest Natural Birth Center is not my idea of a perfect venue, nor is some ass clown in a cowboy hat emoting on "When you say Nothing At All" the perfect music. So we sat down on the couch and relaxed and waited for the other couples to join us in this small circle of musical hell.
One other couple arrived; the girl that always wears short skirts and sits with her legs spread, and her husband with the wooden beaded necklace that is always the "volunteer" for demonstrations. We chatted for a bit and then Karen asked the women to join her on the floor in the corner. After shooting Jeff a nervous look I complied.
Turns out the activity du jour was labor sounds. Believe me, it was much more horrifying in person. There were 3 of us women and Karen around a scarf (the men were being "present" in another part of the room) with 5 tea lights and a coyote figurine on a plate. Coyote= howling, get it? So Karen starts rocking back and forth and keening and growling, and wouldn't you know it but we are expected to join in. I feel so bad for our teacher sometimes, because I know she wants loud participation, but its just never going to happen. The class managed a few whispered moans, probably made possible by the ice we were holding to our wrists, and then the men were invited into our sacred circle to echo our cries.
Well, as you can guess, thank goodness everyone's eyes were closed because the minute Karen started up again with the keening and the banging on the floor, and the moaning, I couldn't help it, silent giggles, the kind that won't go away. I had to dig my nail into my flesh, I actually drew blood. I don't think anyone else fared much better. All I kept thinking about was how much my mother would have probably loved this.
Then we watched a video in which people were represented by illustrations of Elk, and it was all about epidurals.
Then on to Post Pardum, then breastfeeding.
We closed with a lullaby.
Then we found out that, unfortunately, out last class next Monday coincides with our very important home visit from Doctor Ed. Sufficed to say we are not all that torn up about it.

The Eye Doctor was just as expected. My eyes are terrible, and my prescription so strange that lenses have to be special ordered and will not be in for 2 weeks. The frames are super cute, though. I hate the test where they blow puffs of air in your eyes. Frighteningly enough, with no glasses or contacts i could not read ANYTHING on the eye chart. Not even the big top line which is always just an "E."

Dr. Ed was ok, except I had to get a horrible pap-smear like test. He is really gung- ho on us going to this seminar this weekend, he has told us about it on 4 separate occasions, and even called me at home to remind me, so it's a good thing we got relaxing out of the way last Sunday, because it seems that this one is going to be action packed, what with that and "Hysteria, the Def Leppard Story" in the afternoon.

The cleaning people are coming today, I am so excited. And then Brian is coming over later for "Prison Break", which I already watched but will happily do so again.